Letīs be honest, nobody watches movies with titles like Blood Orgy of the She-Devils or Schoolgirls in Chains expecting great acting and a thought-provoking story. The main concerns of the trash cinema aficionado are naked girls and lots of mayhem.

prides itself in its ongoing struggle against political correctness and for this reason the ratings focus on what all you perverts want to see:

SEX:
= better than nothing, I guess
= enough to keep a 15-year-old happy
= will make you reach for your skin mags
= a classic

and

VIOLENCE:
= youīd be better off watching wrestling
= a few blood squibs
= satisfaction guaranteed
= a classic

The advantages of this ratings system should be obvious:

Gorehounds and horny teens looking for cheap thrills wonīt have to stare at all those big words until their eyes glaze over. All they have to do is take one look at the ratings and then keep looking for snuff films or pictures of Jenna Jameson.

Those who are easily outraged will know what movies to avoid, even though many of them deserve to be offended.

And finally, those who take the time to actually read the reviews will know that by rating movies for sex and violence Iīm just being smarmy.

You might notice that, unlike other review sites, I donīt do lenghty plot descriptions or worry about sympathetic characters. I know itīs almost mandatory to fret over those things but I donīt care for them.

Thatīs because Iīm interested in the role of spectacle in cinema.
If a movie has FX (however shoddy), lots of action and stunning women Iīll overlook a flimsy or stupid plot. That means you, Andy Sidaris.

Sure, as a historian I could write an entire essay on discourse, postmodernism and representation in Western art, but I know you wonīt put up with that nonsense.

And whatīs the point of pretending to be smart when thereīs no one around to notice?