When the distressed archaeologist goes to the police with her story she is carted away to the loony bin. In the meantime, the mummy turns into a vampire who goes by the name of Vladimir (Roberto Guzman) and with the help of his diminutive servant Igor (Rene Ruiz) sets up a nightclub, El Sol de Medianoche ("The Midnight Sun"), in order to have a steady supply of young women to feed on.

When Magdalena is released from the asylum she enlists a pair of bumbling medicine men from the town of Catemaco, Hipocrates (Alfonso Zayas) and Jacinto (Cesar Bono), to fight Vladimir. Needless to say, Vladimir has fallen in love with Magdalena and will do his best to turn her into a vampire that will be his mate for all time.

THE VERDICT: A vampire comedy is hardly an original idea, with everyone from the Bowery Boys to Mel Brooks trying their hand at flogging this dead horse over the years. It should come as no surprise that Mexican comedians have also resorted to this combination, with funnymen Gaspar Henaine in Capulina contra los Vampiros (1970) and Pedro Weber in El Vampiro Teporocho (1988) giving it a try. The lowest point, as far as I�m concerned, came in 1986 with Chiquidracula ("Li�l Dracula") starring child actor Carlitos Espejel as a tyke who dresses up as a vampire to scare his alcoholic uncle into sobriety.

The most interesting aspect of Curados de Espantos is that it�s a late example of the genre that, along with drug dealer epics, ruled Mexican cinema throughout the 80�s: the sex comedy. As you might expect, these comedies look a lot like the American nudies of the 60�s, with the usual mix of perpetually horny comedians and frequently nude girls. The sexicomedias, as they�re known here, have a reputation as being the most repellent, crude and exploitive Mexican movies ever made. However, most of them are mild compared with their American and European counterparts. They are seldom as mean-spirited as some of the nudie-roughies were and some nudie-cuties such as Please Don�t Eat My Mother! and The Toy Box show a lot more skin.

The backlash against the sex comedies was so strong that by the late 80s the filmmakers who had made a bundle of money with them had to tone it down. Curados de Espantos is a good example of this, since it includes sexual situations but no nudity, some cartoon-like violence and mild swearing that in the States would earn it a PG rating.

It also has too many main characters. The plot description makes it sound like a very straight- forward retelling of the usual vampire tale, but the way it unravels on screen is confusing to say the least. The film opens with an aged Vladimir chasing a comely gal up a flight of stairs and falling from a considerable height for his trouble. He�s rushed to a hospital where he regains his youthful appearance after dining on a nurse and then it�s Magdalena�s turn to tell the story of how a vampire wound up in Mexico City. This takes us to a flashback of how Magdalena stumbled upon Vladimir�s coffin and brought him back to life. Next, we are introduced to Hipocrates and Jacinto and from then on the plot switches back and forth between Vladimir, Magdalena and the two medicine men.

I haven�t even mentioned the subplot dealing with detective Ochoa (Claudio Baez) and his search for Vladimir. All of this is held together by voice-over narration courtesy of Lina Santos, who tries to make sense of the whole mess, which also includes a number of throwaway scenes that add nothing to the story.

Another big problem is that the viewer never gets the feeling that a vampire is loose in Mexico City, which is supposed to be the whole point of the movie. None of the milestones show up other than the pyramids of Teotihuacan, which are actually an hour�s drive away from the city. Neither do the characters of Vladimir or the medicine men from Catemaco, a small town in Eastern Mexico famous for its sorcerers and healers, show any signs of culture shock. The screenwriters would have us believe that Vladimir has just awakened after spending hundreds of years trapped in an underground chamber and yet he takes to Mexico City�s nightlife like a duck to water.

The only time some of these characters are surprised by something they see in the city is when Jacinto mistakes a bunch of punk rockers for victims of demonic possession. This might have worked if it weren�t for the fact that these "punks" are clearly a few extras wearing messed-up wigs. I�m into metal myself, but I came close to playing bass in a punk band a couple of years ago and I�ve been to my fair share of punk and hardcore shows and these actors look nothing like any punk rocker I�ve ever seen.

Curados de Espantos also boasts some of the crummiest special effects I�ve ever seen, tired jokes, nondescript cinematography, choppy editing and hardly any atmosphere. Considering the budgets and shooting schedules of most Mexican movies, this is to be expected. If you come to these films hoping to see dazzling visuals you�re going to be disappointed.

To me, the main reason for watching Curados de Espantos is the leading lady. According to the media, I should be attracted to the so-called supermodels, but I�ll take a healthy, full-figured woman like Lina Santos over those skinny wrecks every time. It should be noted that this appealing actress has a rather distressing habit of keeping her clothes on throughout her allotted screen time, but as much as I�d like to see her in the altogether she has every right not to do nude scenes. Even if she doesn�t get naked in her films she always wears outfits that showcase her eye-popping figure.

For those of you who might think that by talking about Lina�s body instead of her performance I�m being a sexist pig I want you to know you�re absolutely right. I should be talking about how her acting has improved since she went from beauty pageants to movies and that in Curados de Espantos she makes up for her lack of technique through sheer enthusiasm. In keeping with this pretense of objectivity I would then go on to mention her impressive body of work that includes starring roles in more than a hundred movies, numerous TV appearances and a short-lived singing career.

Instead, I�ll be completely honest and talk some more about her impressive body. As much as I would like to pretend I�m above being distracted by the appearance of an actress, the fact remains that most of the women in b-movies are cast for their looks. Besides, anyone with an ounce of testosterone in his body can�t help but be awestruck by this former bikini contest winner.

The other members of the cast are also responsible for making Curados de Espantos watchable. Roberto Guzman, being equally adept at playing menacing characters and making fun of himself, has appeared in countless action and comedy flicks. He uses this range to his advantage to play Vladimir, giving a performance that is adequate at conveying his character as an unstoppable fiend and the butt of jokes, mostly involving Igor. I doubt Guzman will ever be mentioned in the same breath as Christopher Lee or Bela Lugosi, but at least he doesn�t embarrass himself.

Rene Ruiz, whom horror fans may recognize from his role in Chamber of Horrors, is a veteran of many comedies, from the classics of the 40�s starring German Valdez to the sex comedies of the 80`s. Here, he gets some of the best lines along with Cesar Bono, a dependable comedian who can be trusted to squeeze a few laughs out of supporting roles. The comedy stylings of Alfonso Zayas take some getting used to, something that probably has a lot to do with the unlikable characters he usually portrays, but in Curados de Espantos he gets to play a slightly more decent guy. Rounding out the cast is Michelle Mayer, from the Mexican edition of Playboy, appearing as a customer of Hipocrates and Jacinto in one scene and being unable to keep a straight face during the proceedings.

While it�s never boring, horror fans looking for scares or a new approach to the Dracula mythos should look elsewhere. Vampire completists may want to check it out anyway.

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